During my time of reflection, loving myself, healing, discovery, and acceptance I also found out at a later date that I was turned off. Unless a man was very blatant about his attraction towards me I had no clue that they were. I was so into me that anyone flirting a little or covertly was never noticed. My radar was completely turned off and I was not receptive to anything they did. I meant no harm I promise. I even interacted with them in a way that was not mean. I exchanged pleasantries and laughs but never went beyond that because I was clueless to their subtle hints.
I mention this because sometimes in some cases being turned off will cause you to miss important signals about the intentions of others. Being mindful of the feelings of others and listen to your intuition is important even in self-discovery. Whether it gives you a soft whisper in the ear or a punch in the gut, trust yourself. We don’t have to always wait for actual evidence. If someone or something has you feeling a certain way then move away from it and let it or them go.
Another thing that turned me off and still does is when a man keeps giving you compliments and makes comments like taking you out. I actually had to tell a guy to stop telling me that stuff if he wasn’t going to step up and ask me out. Don’t tell me what you can do show me. I’m all about show AND tell. That was another lesson I learned. I had to discover what my love language was in my marriage and understand his. I had to learn to stop giving people love in my language but discover what theirs was in order to let them know that they are loved and valued. I say that to say I am just as much a tell girl as I am a show girl. The two must go hand in hand for me or its a no go!
Consistency is key. You can’t just show me but I have to hear it and you can’t just tell me I have to see it. He must be consistent because if he’s not then for me it wasn’t genuine and you have met his representative. Now, ladies, it goes both ways. It is just as important for us as it is for them. When you care about someone you will be consistent in your actions and your words. If not and you have selfish intentions your representative will only be present on the job for so long until the true you comes out. I have no problems now with turning off when this happens regardless of how much I like you or love you. I embrace the turn off but not the build-up. Building walls keep me in and love out. Ain’t nobody got time for that!!!!
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